Loneliness

Being alone is one of the gifts that life offers a person to assist them in redirecting, rethinking, reviewing or rediscovering. There are so many situations that can be resolved by time spent away from them so as to see them objectively and find a way forward.

Many people feel that they need to be around others continuously. This may be masking an inability to just sit and “be” with themselves. They find that they are at a loss when there is nobody else there to direct their life path, or who can be a convenient scapegoat for a situation that could have been avoided. They are uneasy with being alone.

Sometimes, being alone is felt more acutely. This is usually at festive times, such as Christmas, or Easter, or birthdays and anniversaries. It is at times when we associate happy memories that we feel a need to share them again with others. We do have a choice about how we allow ourselves to feel. We can remember the memories with happy and loving thoughts and relive the moments that so enchanted us. We can find a way to share this time with memories so that we feel all the joy that we experienced then. By dwelling on the joy of the memories we can overcome a sense of loss.

Living with regrets can make being alone difficult to bear for older people. Every person that I have spoken to about this has had one thing in common. The person who felt that they had wronged another had already been forgiven by the other person years ago! Be careful to make sure that you do not create your own jail cell within yourself. Trying to bury your head in the sand with the hope that past misdemeanours will simply evaporate is not an option, because we all need to acknowledge our choices and grow from them. When you have done someone wrong, just admit it and show that you are not going to repeat the hurtful situation by showing true remorse. Most people respond positively to heartfelt, genuine apologies. To do wrong and just go on as if you did not do anything, thereby thinking that you have ruled out your behavior because “it is in the past”, is a recipe for conflict and resentment. Wearing a mask and behaving as though nothing mattered is abusing personal boundaries. Everyone has a sense of personal boundaries, so when you ignore these, it is offensive and abusive. Try to respect others and what they stand for. Everyone has been created to be a particular person for a particular reason and you have no right to judge them or take advantage in any way. If you have done this, go and make it right in the best and highest possible way that you can. You will know when you search your soul what to do for each situation. By doing this, you will make sure that you are not being false. Mean what you say and carry out your intentions. There is no such word as “try”. To say that you will “try” to do something,  just means that you have no intention to do it at all. Be true to your word and gain honour from the situation.

Most religions speak about social integration. Their message is uniform as far as this goes. We are asked to treat others in a way that we would appreciate being treated, and we are warned of consequences that occur when we do not adhere to this. Being kind, genuinely loving and empathic is not as difficult as one would think. When we remove human greed, the self-centred ego and jealousy from our lives, we find that life flows easily, and we have more rewarding personal experiences, and that is what really leaves us feeling that we are part of a beautiful, loving whole where every living thing is precious.

Being alone should not make you feel hopeless. It is a gift to use for your own soul. Being alone is precious quality time with your Self. Always look at the good side of the situation and balance it in your mind so that your life can be filled with hope and that you can feed your soul with some joy from your stored happy memories. In the words of one of my  most inspiring author, Oriah Moutain Dreamer:

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.”

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”

Taken from the poem: “The Invitation” by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

Should you be struggling at this time with feelings that seem to overwhelm you, please contact yvette@yveher.com and you will find relief and hope.

Enjoy the holidays!

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