Boundaries for Children

Children are exposed to such a variety of stimuli and this creates an environment of noise that requires skills to distinguish the relevant sounds for an appropriate situation.

An example of this would be a child arriving at school from a stressful trip through traffic in a car filled with loud music and many voices. They arrive at school tense, stressed and their brains are buzzing with the music. They are then expected to sit quietly and focus on a new concept. Teachers often complain that some children in their classes sing along to the songs “playing” in their heads and are unable to focus on any work.

It is very important to start a day off quietly, absorbing the sounds that nature offers such as birdsong, rain and animal sounds. Travelling to school can be a useful, quality, parent/child communication time where the day ahead is discussed, revising any work such as spelling, bonds or tables in a happy, relaxed way. Some examples could be: asking the child to add up the numbers on the number plate of the car in front, playing “I Spy”, finding letters in signs along the road and asking questions about content that needed to be learnt in such a way that rewards can be earned for each correct answer. I am sure the innovative parent can come up with many exciting ideas of their own. The secret ingredient is…FUN!

Lower your voice to a whisper and you will find that your child will pay attention immediately. They respond better to that than shouting. In a pressurized situation, a parent’s calm, steady voice will help the child keep focused and feel more relaxed. Relaxed children learn quickly and retain learning. Providing a child with an appropriate goal once they have completed a task will keep them motivated. In this way the children will learn to motivate themselves. Even household chores, such as tidying up a room, can become fun and positive experiences. Try to maintain a reward system rather than a punishment system. The latter opens doors to resentment.

Should a child deliberately continue to push your boundaries, you may need to allow them some time to think. This is an idea that many parents/caregivers have used. Choose a place that is visible to you all the time and allow your child an opportunity to think about their actions. The child may sit on a comfortable chair (or mat if they prefer) in a part of the house where they can see everyone. Gently explain why they are sitting there and that they are to sit quietly and think about how they can change what had happened. Nobody may speak to them and they may not speak to anyone. They remain quiet for the amount of minutes that correspond to their age (a five year old will sit for five minutes.) Once their time is up, approach the child and kneel down to their level. Ask them about their behaviour and allow them time to apologise by encouraging this. The last stage is VERY important. Reassure the child by giving them a hug and allowing them to know that this episode is over. This teaches them to not harbour resentment. and reassures them that they are in a nurturing environment.

At YVEHER, we can assist you in learning these interventions with your child. Book now with an email to yvette@yveher.com and change your home into a more harmonious place for both yourself and your child.

 

If a child is angry or upset, come alongside them. Allow them to share their feelings and explain what it is that is upsetting them. Feel and share their frustrations and once you have their attention, use this simple exercise. Ask them to firmly press their index and ring middle fingers onto their closed eyelids until they see sparks or dancing lights. (This releases tension in the muscle behind the eye. Next ask then to massage the two corner points below where the collar bone meets the sternum. After that, tap the top of the head and the sternum while breathing deeply twice. You will be surprised to see the relief in the children. Many give a sigh afterwards and continue with their day relaxed and attentive.

Children love to play. That is how they learn. By making their lives happy with playful learning situations, parents can enjoy their company and help them to learn to relate in a positive way.

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